Jessica is dead. I keep saying that to myself to make it sound more real. However, it does not.

Jessica is dead. She passed away last week after living with cancer for almost three years. It wore down her body, it exhausted her strength, until it finally took her life. However, cancer was unable to break her spirit.

In spite of everything – chemo, radiation, the ravages of cancer – she made sure no one knew. She would maintain her blog, encourage people to knit and crochet, putting out ideas and creativity in a seemingly endless flow.

Back in 2014, she had her hair cut before it fell out – sporting the coolest headwear ever afterwards. She just kept going with a zest for life, with adventurousness burning brightly inside of her.

She maintained a positive outlook no matter what happened. The first CAL we had would run parallel to her first chemo. Both would structure everyday life: Chemo on Wednesday, the rainbow blanket on Friday. So unreal to remember now. Cancer may have prevented her from doing everything she wanted to do but that first chemo was as successful as our blanket.

We did a beach bag together, I got to proof read her first book. There were several tutorials for wrist warmers, patterns I wrote for cushions, baby stuff, and crochet flowers. A kangaroo with baby. For a year I would publish at least 15 book reviews on her blog.

We would laugh together, create stuff, and argue a lot. Our verbal fights were tough but somehow unavoidable. There was probably too much of an alpha female in both of us to actually cooperate. We would stop and start over. Stop and start over.

There aren’t many knitting bloggers in Berlin – at least not many I know of and that I am in contact with. When searching the net in June 2015 with the (German) keywords stricken (knitting), berlin, and bloggen (blogging) here is what I found:

Jessica with schoenstricken, Marisa with maschenfein, me and the monster. Something made me keep that screenshot until today.

Blogging has brought us together. Modern times had us become social media friends. We would cooperate, help each other, compare notes, share patterns, experiences, frustration.

Jessica cared for a huge blog. She may have touched more people than most of us ever will. I dare say no one entered her DIY world without being inspired by her.

“I miss you” she wrote in a whatsapp message the other day. Same here.

Jessica, mother of a first grader, knitter, blogger, Berliner – I miss you too.